Drunk driving costs more than just a party
I am struck by a scintillation of light as soon as I come back to my senses. Everything spins around me. The sensation is similar with what I used to feel every time I went on a carousel when I was little. Not the ones with white horses that seem taken out of an old cartoon, but the carousel that spins you through the air. The one that is so old that looks like it might break if you sit in the wrong way. The carousel that makes you hold tight for your dear life, afraid that it might throw you in the sky. But even with the fear hidden so tight in your chest, the adrenaline is exhilarating. I always loved the mixture of adrenaline and fear. It used to make me feel so alive, so powerful for feeling such strong sensations in my body.
But after all, maybe I am the one who is spinning. However, that doesn’t make sense, does it? To be completely honest, I have no idea if I am laying down, if I am sat or if I’m on my feet. I doubt that it´d be the later though. I am completely sure that even if I was on my feet, I would immediately collapse because of the headache that I am feeling. It hurts. It hurts so bad. My head is pounding so hard. It’s like a small chicken is behind my forehead and is kicking it with all the force that she has.
I feel like a ticking bomb, ready to explode any minute now and the music around me does not help reduce the pain. In a sudden move I lift my head that I don´t remember hiding in my arms, as a realization hits me. First, it was a completely stupid move to lift my head so abruptly because now my head hurts even more and my sight is so bad that all I see is a mixture of colours of purple and blue. Secondly, I am hearing music. That´s right! This afternoon I went to the club near the campus with my friends. Oh shoot, my friends! Where could they have gone? I don´t have the slightest idea, but I need to find them as soon as possible and bring them home safely.
I groan as I try to stand with the help of the wall. I need to find them and get them home safely. I have no idea what hour it is but if they are as wasted as me, then it´s no good for them to remain in this place any longer. I start walking but my legs are trembling so hard that I almost fall face fist on the floor. Luckily, a beautiful woman catches me in time. I put my hand on her shoulder smiling (or at least I hope that it´s a smile) and thank her as I distance myself. I have an important mission after all. And a hard one on top of that, because it seems impossible for me to walk without holding myself on all the walls, desks and chairs I can find. At least I don´t bump into people, that would be embarrassing.
As I try to secure myself and mentally demand my legs to stop trembling, I spot a nice pair of shoes that are on my right. What a nice pair of shoes, I think, I have the exact same pair…. wait a second. I lift my eyelids at the person that is sitting on my right, and I see Morgan who is drinking from a small glass of what I assume is vodka. I remember lecturing her on our way to the club because she stole my shoes. If it weren´t for her pick pocketing skills, who knew if I´d find her in this whole agitation.
“Morgan!” I scream as I hug her from the side “I have been looking everywhere for you!” Morgan stiffens under my touch but soon enough relaxes when she realizes who I am. She gives me big teeth smile and points at her finished drink, asking me if I want one too. I shake my head bringing my arms in a defensive manner as I take a step back still smiling. I make sure to combine my smile with a pout face so that she can see that I would gladly accept the drink if I wasn´t one drink away from throwing up. My head still hurts and now the only thing I can think about is finding an aspirin.
“We need to go back.” I shout to make myself heard over the loud music “Have you seen the others?”
She blinks slowly, clearly tired and nods standing up. Morgan takes my arm and puts it around her shoulder, clearly seeing that I couldn’t take two straight steps. Soon enough we find our small friends group sitting on some black couches and laughing. When they spot us, James stands up and closes the distance between us. He hugs me at the same time as Morgan lets me out of her embrace. She then takes a seat near Amelia and Travis who are hugging each other.
“Where have you been? We thought you got lost in the great pleasures of life” James jokes and I laugh even though I don´t find his joke funny. I hug him tighter and then go hug Amelia and Travis too.
I just feel so happy. I have no idea if it´s the relief of finding my friends or if it´s because of the intoxication present in my organism, but I’m enjoying the euphoria.
“We need to go home! It´s too late!” I inform them, reminding myself once again the reason I came here in the first place. They nod in acknowledgement and a beam appears on my face.
After each one of them drinks another quick drink, on James´s money, we all exit the club and enter the parking lot looking for our car. Travis is caring a red Amelia on his back and it´s hard to tell if she is blushing or if it´s just because she drank too much. Morgan and I are walking at the same pace and James is walking in front of everyone looking through all of his pockets after the keys. He seems to have found them just as we get in front of our car. Travis and Amelia enter the car straight away siting in the back. Morgan demands that she should drive because she is the most capable at the moment, but James dismisses her off by explaining how she will most likely fall asleep while driving. This annoys her and after 3 minutes of debating she cusses him off and takes a seat in the back, most likely not wanting to be near him right now. James enters the car too and I follow him taking the passenger seat. I lock the seatbelt not taking any risks. James puts it too probably not wanting to receive another ticket for driving without it. Morgan is texting someone on her phone and Amelia and Travis are too preoccupied hugging and whispering to each other.
James pulls the car out of the driveway and for a moment everyone is silent, the only sound in the car being the song playing on the radio. I recognize it and I start humming along. And so does James and by the end of the second chorus we are all singing it and laughing and having the best time of our lives. We are young and living our best teenage years.
We start talking about how amazing this night was. Morgan speaks about how beautiful the club was and how we need to return another time. James expresses his love for the variety of drinks that the bar had to offer, and Morgan backs him up. Amelia talks about how she loved getting ready with me and Morgan and I smile to myself because it is indeed memories like this that matter. I wait for Travis's reply, my eyes closed as I try to ease the high-pitched sound in my head.
"Was it worth it?" he asks and suddenly a sore mood spreads through the air. I sense it and open my eyes looking around me. All of them are dead serious. Their eyes, which a few moments ago were shining, are absent of light.
"No." Morgan whispers "No. it wasn't."
I look confused, yet concerned at her face washed up by tears, but I dare say nothing.
"What do you regret the most? “Amelia asks holding Travis´s hand.
"I promised my dog I would play with him when I come back home." James says "He is probably still waiting at the door for me to return. He will probably think I abandoned him."
"I got into a fight with my sister before leaving the house. During the night I told myself that I would apologise to her in the morning. I won´t even be here in the morning." Amelia states as she starts sobbing clutching into Travis´s shirt.
"I wanted to propose to Amelia next week. I guess it's too late for that." Travis shakes his head.
"I don't necessarily regret going out, I just regret entering with you all in the car."
They all turn their attention to me, expectantly. I feel my words stuck in my throat. I begin to shake. Suddenly, the high-pitched sound intensifies in my ears, and I feel dizzy. I put my right hand on the window and clench my shirt with my left fist trying to control my breathing. But as soon as my skins comes in contact with the window, all of the car windows break and glass flies all over us.
I panic turning my gaze again at them, but they haven´t even moved an inch, still staring at me, but this time with watery eyes.
No…
And suddenly I feel it.
A big force throws me back. Instinctively, I close my eyes and hide my head into my arms. I feel the sensation of spinning but this time it is not my head. The adrenaline flows through my body, but I have never felt as dead as in this moment. I slowly open my eyes, but everything is a maze of blur. I slightly see undertones of red in the labyrinth consisted of grey and black colours. I freeze again repeating to myself what I just thought. I see red. Blood. My friends… My f-friend's blood. I try to scream but it comes out as a whisper. I try to move but I am trapped under a big force. I am powerless.
But even so, I try to compose myself. I need to be strong. For them. I need to get them out. I need to save them, no matter the cost. And I try and oh I try so, so hard. And I push, and I move, and I cry. And yet, nothing.
“It´s alright” I let out a loud sob trying not to lose hope “I-it´s gonna be okay”.
I hear someone whispering my name. If it wasn´t so silent I would have probably missed it. But I didn´t.
I want to respond to it, but I no longer have a voice. I want to touch their hand, but I no longer feel my senses. I wish for so many things and yet, none of them will be fulfilled. I´m not able to do anything. It is my fault. It is all my fault.
Tears storm my face. This is it. This is the end.
Before the darkness eats me alive, I feel someone squeezing my hand in reassurance, as if they have read every thought of mine. And at that moment I forget everything: I forget about all of my worries and all the despair. I know that I can die at peace.
I open my eyes to be met with a white ceiling and the sound of the machines that are connected to me. I can’t even move an inch, but if I concentrate hard enough, I can hear from the hall the families grieving their children. I am sure Amelia's sister is clung onto her mother sobbing till she cannot catch her breath. Morgan's dads are probably full of anger and guilt, blaming themselves and trying their best not to shed a tear. James´s dog is most likely asleep in front of the door waiting for his beloved friend to return. Travis´s ring will never see the light of the day, hidden in the drawer catching dust.
A warm tear falls down my cheek and I cannot help but think again about Amelia´s question.
“What do you regret the most?”
I regret suggesting us to go to the bar. I regret asking you all to go back home just because I was feeling unwell. I regret not being able to stop you all from entering the car while being drunk. I regret having my eyes closed so I wasn´t able to see what we were about to hit. I regret being selfish and irresponsible. I regret not telling each one of you how much I care about you. I regret being the cause of your killed dreams and wishes.
But most of all, I regret that I was the only one who survived.
Because even though during the brick of death I felt at peace, I shall live the rest of my life in distress for the sins I have committed.
– Melisa Celac, Turma 11º3I